Yesterday you said tomorrow.
This seems like such a slow process, but I’m beginning to love the journey.
I just did my first binge in a while. It wasn’t insanely serious, but I thought I should blog about it (paparazzi effect) before I continued to trample and fall downhill. It began innocently enough. And none of it included high fructose corn syrup or partially hydrogenated stuff until the end. But a binge is a binge, no matter what the food is. Even though, I have to say, I did deff get some protein, healthy fats, and fiber from this binge. Until I hit the Lemon Snaps. Vegan death trap: cookies that contain no milk or egg, but are still not necessarily healthy. Now these Snaparoonies only had 3.5 grams of fat per serving. A serving is four cookies. I had more than four.
It’s okay though. I’m gonna move on. No worries, bruh.
I feel good. I mean, no, I don’t want to go back to binging, and shall not be consuming anything else that doesn’t simply have natural ingredients that I can understand and reap benefits from putting into my house (my body), BUT…I’m not worried. I don’t feel pressured by this food. I don’t feel bloated, or hot like with my usual binges. Plus, since the foods aren’t necessarily “bad” foods anyway. As another way of “exposing” myself (paparazzi effect), I shall list my items of consumption:
Okay. I am finished my ridiculous list. I’d guesstimate that the caloric amount was as follows: D.C. bars = 330, 3 tbsp. Natural PB =285, I’ll just round up to 300, Lemon Snaps = 120 for 4, 360 for 12, so..uhm, I don’t know how many I ate (drat, should’ve counted)…I’mma say 18, so that would be 520, Almond Milk = 90, Super Charge Me Cookies = around 500, forget adding broccoli and water, pfft. 330 +300 + 520 + 90 + 500 = 1,740 calories, and that is just a guesstimate. Well dang, if I binged that many calories, how many calories did I eat when I had my real binges. We all know: buy a box of brownie mix, eat every brownie, big bag of BBQ Lays, eat the entire bag, some chocolate icing, eat as much as you can of that until your mouth hurts, etc., etc. Musta been alot. Yikes! So glad that I am not in that place anymore.
Before this binge, I had about 1,100 calories in me + about 6 cups of popcorn so that’s like 1,450? I’m still confused about the whole popcorn/1 cup cooked = ? calories. They say 55 calories for 1 cup cooked in oil, but then..well yeah.
This would bring my total calories to about 3,200. I haven’t had that many calories in one day in a while, let me tell you. But at least this way, you, the reader, get to see that I am a real person. I make mistakes. It is possible to be a binging vegan. It is possible to binge on healthy foods or foods that are healthy in moderation. In moderation. But another thing about this is that I still feel confident; I still feel strong. I have not been conquered by food. I am sore (sidenote/ all this dang exercise/ my arms are killing me). I really do hope that someone reads this and feels empowered by it. I know right, why would I feel empowered reading about a girl that binged , ugh? Eh, maybe you won’t. I feel empowered. I feel empowered because I know in my heart, that if this was one-of-those-binges, I wouldn’t be typing about it right now. Laying my life on the internet’s sleeve. I wouldn’t be comfortable knowing that some stranger might read this, read about me, see into my dark and abyssmal closet of failure and secrets. I most certainly wouldn’t be comfortable with the idea that someone that I know is reading this. Yet as I grow more confident in myself, I become more ambivalent to minute things such as that. This is no secret; this is no failure. This is life. This was supposed to happen. Keep.Moving.Forward. In fact, I see this as a step in the right direction. Weird, right?
You have to locate your weak spots in order to stamp them out completely and put strength in their place. Suretell signs: What was I doing for the first part of this binge? In front of a computer screen. It has been studied that sitting in front of a screen is a one way ticket to mindless munching. That’s what I’ve been staying away from, but I messed up. I was also very dehydrated. It’s cool. I lived; I learned.
Today was Arm Day. …..but my arms are killing me, as we speak (type, as I type) from doing all those pull ups and push up in that Chest and Back P90X DVD this morning. Every slight movement has seemed like a workout – showering was horrible, and don’t even mention taking off and putting on garments. Tomorrow was supposed to be rest day, but I’ll let today be rest day, or rest night..even though I did exercise today, but whatever. Lol. Tomorrow will be Arms Day and then Sunday will be Chest + Cardio Day right on schedule. Sunday will also be the beginning of week 3. Amazing, right?! This seems like such a slow process, but I’m beginning to love the journey.
Pointers/Tips (to myself and readers):